There are many myths about grief.  One is that certain feelings that are unacceptable.

When my father died, I felt a sense of relief. Relief that his suffering had ended — an entirely natural reaction that I could talk openly about. But there was another kind of relief that felt much harder to admit: relief for myself. I would no longer carry the mental and physical responsibility of caring for him, nor witness his slow and inevitable decline.

Although feeling relief in this way is often treated as taboo, it is surprisingly common. Our culture and beliefs tend to tell us that there is a “right” way to grieve and a “right” way to feel after someone dies.

So why did I feel uncomfortable talking about it? I felt guilty. I worried that others might see me as selfish, or assume my relief meant I had not truly loved my father or would not miss him.

Society often frames grief as loss, sadness, and longing for the person to still be with us. Feelings such as relief rarely fit neatly into that picture.

But grief is not neat or tidy. It can hold emotions that seem to contradict one another, from sadness and gratitude to anger and even relief.

In my case, I loved my father deeply and we had a good relationship. But that is not true for everyone. For some, a relationship may have involved conflict, fear, or abuse, and death can feel like an end to that stress and pain. These are difficult situations to speak openly about in life, let alone after death.

Relief can mean many different things. It may come from knowing a loved one’s suffering has ended, or from no longer carrying the strain of caregiving. For others, it may come from the end of a relationship that was painful, difficult, or harmful. Not every relationship is loving, and people do not grieve in the same way. These feelings can be complicated, but they are still real and valid. Relief is simply one of the many ways people respond to death and loss.