Grief is often imagined as a straight path: one stage leading neatly to the next, until healing is complete. In reality, grief rarely moves in a straight line. Instead, it tends to oscillate back and forth between different feelings, needs, and ways of coping. Understanding this can be reassuring for people who feel confused or discouraged by the ups and downs of loss.

Oscillation in grief means that it is normal to shift between moments of intense sorrow and moments of relative calm. One day you may feel overwhelmed by longing, sadness, or anger. The next day you may notice yourself laughing, focusing on practical tasks, or even feeling a sense of relief. This does not mean you are “doing grief wrong,” forgetting the person you lost, or betraying their memory. It means your mind and body are trying to survive something very painful.

Many grief researchers describe this as moving between two needs. One is loss-focused: allowing yourself to feel the pain, miss the person, cry, remember, and acknowledge what has changed. The other is restoration-focused: taking breaks from grief by tending to daily life, relationships, responsibilities, and moments of pleasure. Oscillation is the gentle swinging between these two. Both are necessary. Feeling only pain would be unbearable, and avoiding pain completely would not allow healing.

You may notice this back-and-forth happening within a single day or across weeks and months. A song, smell, or date can pull you suddenly into deep grief. Later, a conversation or task may bring you back into the present moment. This movement can feel unsettling, especially if you expect grief to lessen steadily over time. But oscillation is not a setback it is part of adaptation to new circumstances.

Grief also oscillates emotionally. Love and sadness, gratitude and anger, hope and despair can exist side by side. Allowing these contradictions without judgment can soften the experience. You do not need to choose one feeling or make sense of them all at once.

In grief, try to meet yourself with patience. When sorrow rises, see if you can let it be there without forcing it away. When relief or distraction appears, allow that too. Rest is not avoidance; joy is not forgetting. Oscillation is how grief breathes, how it gives you moments to endure what cannot be rushed.

New GRoWS Bereavement Peer Support Group at Rye Hub – Starting 8th January, 2026

A welcoming, peer support group facilitated by trained bereavement support volunteers. GRoWS offers a safe space to connect with others and receive support.

The first session will take place on Thursday, 8th January 2026. From then on it will be:

• 2nd and 4th Thursday of each month
• 11.30am – 1.00pm

This group is open to anyone aged 18 and over, living in Hastings and Rother.

If you would like more information about the group or any of our bereavement support services you can contact the Bereavement Office at St. Michael’s Hospice either by telephone 01424 456361 or you can email us,  bereavement@stmichaelshospice.com