Trigger warning: This article discusses suicide, bereavement after suicide, grief, emotional distress and the impact on family and friends. Some readers may find the content upsetting or triggering. Please take care while reading, pause if you need to, and consider reaching out to someone you trust or a support service if this brings up difficult feelings.
Loss by suicide – Chantal’s story
World Suicide Prevention Day, observed each year on 10 September, is an opportunity to raise awareness, reduce stigma, and encourage open conversations about suicide and its impact. Suicide can affect families, friendships and whole communities, often leaving those who are bereaved with shock, unanswered questions and a wide range of emotions. Talking openly and compassionately about suicide can help reduce stigma and make it easier for people to seek support. Someone may be living with distress that is not visible to others, and no single person should carry responsibility for another person’s death. If the following, Chantal’s Story, touches on your own experience, please pause, look after yourself, and if it feels right, reach out to someone you trust or to one of the sources of support listed.
“My friend was 35 when she took her own life. She had a five-year-old son, only six months older than mine, and a toddler daughter just a year older than my daughter. We had shared holidays, meals, Christmases and New Year celebrations. We visited pubs and play parks, and generally spent time together as families.
I knew there were problems in her marriage. We talked about them, and I tried to reassure her that things would work out.
When she said she didn’t think she could start again or build a new relationship in the future, I thought she was speaking hypothetically. I didn’t realise that, for her, this was a statement of fact: there could be no new beginning.
I spoke to her the day before she died. She wanted me to visit, but on that occasion I couldn’t. I tried to rearrange for another day — tomorrow, the next day, any day — but she wouldn’t be drawn.
My first reaction, when I heard what she had done, was disbelief. I had spoken to her only hours before. Then came a sense of responsibility: had I said the wrong thing? If I had gone over, would that have stopped her? Sadness and yes, anger — how could she have done that? In the immediate aftermath of her death, there were physical effects as well as emotional ones, including sickness and tiredness, which I hadn’t expected.
We can never truly know the pain someone is holding inside. The reasons for what they do may seem entirely logical to them and with the distance of time I feel compassion. Perhaps we do miss signals, but that does not mean we would have been able to change what happened.”
Support is available
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, or you are worried about someone else, you do not have to face this alone. Speaking to somebody — a trusted person, your GP or a trained support service — can be an important first step.
- Immediate danger: call 999 or go to A&E if you or someone else is at immediate risk.
- Urgent mental health support: call NHS 111 and select the mental health option, or seek an urgent appointment with your GP.
- Samaritans: call 116 123 free, day or night, for confidential listening support.
Our monthly Loss by Suicide Support Group offers a safe, compassionate and confidential space for people affected by a suicide bereavement. It is an opportunity to meet others who understand something of this particular kind of loss, to share as much or as little as feels right, and to feel less alone. There is no timetable for grief, and you are welcome whether the loss was recent or many years ago.
Meeting details: Meeting on the first Saturday of the month. For more information please email the bereavement office by email to bereavement@stmichaelshospice.com or by telephone on 01424 456361.
Change the Narrative Campaign is the International Association for Suicide Prevention’s focus for 2024/2026 and you can find help and resources on their website.
